my writing corner

Whole new worlds, faded memories, brilliant colors in quickly changing scenes. whether asleep or awake, i can never escape a dream. dreams about memories half-forgotten, the pictures yellowed in the corners, and the edges crumpled and bent, or dreams about my desires and passions, bright and vivid, leaving me yearning for something more. flashes of things in my mind, snippets of things unknown, forgotten, never seen, not understood; sometimes random things, beautiful, amazing, breathtaking, or ugly, sad, disgusting, scary. i am a dreamer. my mind flows with creativity, with crazy thoughts and unknown wants. it shows me things i never knew it could. my dreams float upwards, expand and fill the spaces between the stars, so big i can't contain them. i am a dreamer, i allow myself to escape, to want, desire, and run freely as i dream. i am a dreamer....

the colors of my dreams are bold, vibrant, alive. the colors of my dreams are dark, dull, slow. different every night, awash in the quicksilver rays of the moon, running on an empty blankness of a white canvas. the colors of my dreams inspire, drive, and awaken me; they show me something more, something that I long for; they give me something to live for. the colors of my dreams seep into the colors of my life. the colors of my dreams are the colors of my life.

silent suffering internal disquiet sadness, discouragement, anger, emptiness, hopelessness, lost, questioning, self-hate, pain, torment, but I put on a smile, outwardly showing everything is okay, an untrue statement about being fine, just to get by, just to get through the day, wishing I could just find peace in the internal emotional and mental turmoil. hoping it would just end. instead, I'm drowning in the darkness within my mind. and in the relentless tidal waves, I lose myself, I forget who I am. all my fight is gone. the light at the end of the tunnel has been put out. and in the darkness, I can't find myself, cant find my way out. and the tidal waves pull me under. I succumb, I let myself go. and I no longer feel a thing. just a shell, pretending everything is okay just to get through the day. and just like that, my true self doesn't exist. at least not for now. when will this end? I don't know. and I let myself go, give into...