I'm Gone

silent suffering
internal disquiet
sadness, discouragement, anger, emptiness,
hopelessness, lost, questioning,
self-hate, pain, torment,
but I put on a smile,
outwardly showing everything is okay,
an untrue statement about being fine,
just to get by,
just to get through the day,
wishing I could just find peace
in the internal emotional and mental turmoil.
hoping it would just end.
instead, I'm drowning
in the darkness within my mind.
and in the relentless tidal waves,
I lose myself,
I forget who I am.
all my fight is gone.
the light at the end of the tunnel
has been put out.
and in the darkness,
I can't find myself,
cant find my way out.
and the tidal waves
pull me under.
I succumb,
I let myself go.
and I no longer feel a thing.
just a shell,
pretending everything is okay
just to get through the day.
and just like that,
my true self doesn't exist.
at least not for now.
when will this end?
I don't know.
and I let myself go,
give into the darkness.
I'm gone.

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