one more hit ... my foundation is cracked. i tried so hard to get at least that built strong, but with each crushing blow, it comes weaker, until it finally cracks. i thought i had come so far, but finally i came to realize that maybe i am not strong enough yet to finally build up my walls.

one more crack ... my foundation is threatening to collapse. quickly i am struggling to hold on, to keep it from cracking again, from falling, only knowing that my strenght is vanishing as fast as my will to keep from everything tumbling over me.

one more breath ... i give one last effort to hold out. my will is slipping, my strength is nearly gone. i no longer have any need to try anymore, even though i know if i give up, this beginnings of a wall, this weak facade will finally crumble, and i will be left in a lesser state ...

one last moment ... and it's over. i lost. my foundation crumbles. i wasnt strong enough. and now, all that i have worked for is gone. i am left alone in this lesser, weak state that i have worked so hard to get away from, only to come back to it. i feel so hopeless, so alone ... almost like i am falling into a deep, black pit, and i cant see the end nor the beginning.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

today's sunset!!!

the sun is at a slant, clouds just below it. there is an orange glow on the horizon as the sun sinks behind the clouds, hundreds of shafts of light, yellow and orange, peak from behind the clouds. the ball shines from a gap, the shaft of light just for me. i lift my face to it, watching the strong, powerful waves race toward the shore, crashing on each other and the beach. the closer to the horizon, the deeper the orange color. clouds are most thick 'round the sun, more flanking them, thinning out to the south and north - to the left and right, respectively. the sun has disappeared behind the clouds now, but shafts of rays shine through, dying the clouds golden yellow, the farthest reaching ones the brightest yellow and golden. just south, the sun colors the sky a pink-orange color. as i watch the sky change colors, a cool breeze makes me shiver. the waves continue to crash toward the shore. the sand shifts under me as i move, taking in the scene. the golden rays are gone n...
Read more
coolness surrounds me as i wade deeper into the glassy water. the ocean is calm, for once. waist-deep, i stop, rest my hands on top of the smooth surface. the sun beats down on my shoulders, keeping me warm. the sand is smooth under my feet. a gentle breeze rolls off the ocean, rippling the surface of the water, ever so gently. the smell of brine and salt fill my nose. the sky is baby blue, the glassy surface of the ocean a perfect imitation of it. a few puffy, white clouds roll and stretch across the sky and its perfect reflection in the water below. in this moment, there is calm and peace. happiness warms my body. another breeze breathes across the ocean, skittering across my shoulders, tickling my nose and cheeks, playing with loose strands of my hair. this is perfection.
Read more

Choices

The soft sand is warm under my bare feet. The sun is on my shoulders, heating my already brown skin. A breeze, cool and teasing, rolls off the ocean, filling my nose with the smell of salt and brine. I make my way close to the water line, trying not to burn my feet. My hair is getting tousled in the breeze. I finally find a spot and shake out my towel, laying it down. I sigh as I get my feet off the sand. I relax, gazing over my shoulder towards the mountains. They’re purple against the azure blue sky, the tops hidden behind white, puffy, cotton candy clouds. Sighing again, I pull my knees up to my chest and gaze out over the ocean. It’s a darker version of the sky, clear and blue. Except for the waves. They crash against the beach in a steady rhythm, calming. Another breeze comes off the ocean, pulling at my hair and cooling my sweaty skin. The sun isn’t all that brutal today, but it’s still fairly warm. Kids are running around, covered in sand or dripping with ocean water. Their l...
Read more