a never ending story... maybe
she moves gracefully through the dancing bodies, never looking over her shoulder. she feels his eyes on her back. she knows he knows she's here. just his being here makes her slightly umcomfortable, and makes her hands shake, the only clue that she's stressed.
the bathroom... opening the door, she slides in. she no longer feels his eyes, his seemingly all-knowing, dark eyes, on her back. she allows herself to breath and makes her hands stop shaking.
looking at herself in the mirror, she doesn't see anger or fear. she sees a certain confidence, one that exudes power, self-assurance, and ease. truly, she has nothing to fear. relaxed and confident now, she walks back out the the club.
he is looking at her again. she knows it. he sees her calm confidence, her self-assured aura. she doesn't need him anymore. he sees that, too. he feels undone. he looks away, gets up to leave. men can be evil, but a woman's gift to be cruel hurts worse.
she watches him leave. in that moment, she realizes that he was the only real thing she had, aside from her friends. she wants him back and misses him, scolding herself for ending it. she should have never let him go.
feeling alone, she goes home. she sits on her bed and lays down, staring at her cieling. she has no more energy to move.
closing her eyes, trying to forget, but fighting to remember. she feels tender hands running down her body. she can't forget, though she wants to, try as she may. she can still remember his gently lips on hers, his arms around her.
silent tears run down her face. she can only hope that he wants her as much as she wants him... silently she cries.
a memory flashes behind her eyelids. sunshine. trees. she is with him. it's a memory of happiness that leaves her breathless in pain. they lay in the grass, his arm around her. they laugh. he tickles her and she shrieks, trying to get away. they run around and she trips. he grabs her, and they fall to the ground.
a hiss for a breath, from a harsh pain in her chest. she struggles to get up. she gives up and curls up into a ball on her bed. she closes herself off from everyone. she doesn't allow herself to talk to anyone for now. she has totally given up.
she feels hallow, emtpy... like a shell. she stares at the cieling. hours pass, though she doesn't notice. she doesn't see or hear anything. her mind is like a fog.
she feels like she is falling, deep into a well of darkness. she lets in consume her. she would much rather be in this blanket of darnkess than anywhere else.
soon she remembers he hadn't been worth it. he had used her. she wanted to be needed, and he'd given her that, but used it to his advantage. the more and more she had felt needed, the more he had taken until she had nothing left to give. but now she has everything again. the moment that she has everything again, she allows herself to lose it. she can't and won't let that happen ever again.
warmth flows through her again. she needs nobody to make her feel good. she has her friends, she has so much to live for. she breathes, she calms down, and she raises her self to the top. she finds herself somewhere she has never found herself before.
break away, walk away, head held high. she is a confident, cocky bitch. and she knows it. she knows it and won't let anyone changed that.
the need to be stronger than the ones lost drives her... it drives her to become someone that nobody can lose, willingly or not. it drives her to be someone better. this drive is something nobody can take away from her and she prides herself in that.
she can't find it anymore - the need to be just happy in the moment. it's lost. though she's confident, generally happy, she can't just be happy. at least, she hasn't done so in awhile. maybe it is just a question of letting go, of allowing that to happen... a release.
sitting, holding herself together... everything comes out. her sadness, sorrow, her weakness... the fact that she has no one. at least, that's how she feels, though it may not be entirely true.
the bathroom... opening the door, she slides in. she no longer feels his eyes, his seemingly all-knowing, dark eyes, on her back. she allows herself to breath and makes her hands stop shaking.
looking at herself in the mirror, she doesn't see anger or fear. she sees a certain confidence, one that exudes power, self-assurance, and ease. truly, she has nothing to fear. relaxed and confident now, she walks back out the the club.
he is looking at her again. she knows it. he sees her calm confidence, her self-assured aura. she doesn't need him anymore. he sees that, too. he feels undone. he looks away, gets up to leave. men can be evil, but a woman's gift to be cruel hurts worse.
she watches him leave. in that moment, she realizes that he was the only real thing she had, aside from her friends. she wants him back and misses him, scolding herself for ending it. she should have never let him go.
feeling alone, she goes home. she sits on her bed and lays down, staring at her cieling. she has no more energy to move.
closing her eyes, trying to forget, but fighting to remember. she feels tender hands running down her body. she can't forget, though she wants to, try as she may. she can still remember his gently lips on hers, his arms around her.
silent tears run down her face. she can only hope that he wants her as much as she wants him... silently she cries.
a memory flashes behind her eyelids. sunshine. trees. she is with him. it's a memory of happiness that leaves her breathless in pain. they lay in the grass, his arm around her. they laugh. he tickles her and she shrieks, trying to get away. they run around and she trips. he grabs her, and they fall to the ground.
a hiss for a breath, from a harsh pain in her chest. she struggles to get up. she gives up and curls up into a ball on her bed. she closes herself off from everyone. she doesn't allow herself to talk to anyone for now. she has totally given up.
she feels hallow, emtpy... like a shell. she stares at the cieling. hours pass, though she doesn't notice. she doesn't see or hear anything. her mind is like a fog.
she feels like she is falling, deep into a well of darkness. she lets in consume her. she would much rather be in this blanket of darnkess than anywhere else.
soon she remembers he hadn't been worth it. he had used her. she wanted to be needed, and he'd given her that, but used it to his advantage. the more and more she had felt needed, the more he had taken until she had nothing left to give. but now she has everything again. the moment that she has everything again, she allows herself to lose it. she can't and won't let that happen ever again.
warmth flows through her again. she needs nobody to make her feel good. she has her friends, she has so much to live for. she breathes, she calms down, and she raises her self to the top. she finds herself somewhere she has never found herself before.
break away, walk away, head held high. she is a confident, cocky bitch. and she knows it. she knows it and won't let anyone changed that.
the need to be stronger than the ones lost drives her... it drives her to become someone that nobody can lose, willingly or not. it drives her to be someone better. this drive is something nobody can take away from her and she prides herself in that.
she can't find it anymore - the need to be just happy in the moment. it's lost. though she's confident, generally happy, she can't just be happy. at least, she hasn't done so in awhile. maybe it is just a question of letting go, of allowing that to happen... a release.
sitting, holding herself together... everything comes out. her sadness, sorrow, her weakness... the fact that she has no one. at least, that's how she feels, though it may not be entirely true.
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