UnRequited

We found each other in the midst of summer,

Under the Mediterranean sun and the azure sky,

Among the subtle smells of lavender, thyme, and rosemary,

All mingling with the comforting scent of brine from the ocean.

On the beach, surrounded by soft, warm sand,

The sun warm and darkening our skin, mellowing us,

We tried to tame the ocean waves, huge and angry before an oncoming storm,

Bonding over nothings, small, shy smiles, and feeling free.

With one foot in the sea and one firmly on the sand,

We felt invincible, free, forever young, and eternally happy,

For this moment was endless.

With the sun on our backs and the wind in our hair,

Our skin darkening, our hair absorbing the sea salt,

We connected in our own unique way.

You, silent and brooding, lean and tan, dark eyes and hair,

And me, loud and boisterous, a little thick and pale, light eyes and hair,

We were as opposite as black and white, the positive and negative ends of a magnet;

We were drawn to each other.

Alone for just a moment in our bonding silence,

We look at each other, seeing each other,

Our breath mingling, sharing the same air,

My heart is racing, I am sure you can hear it.

You ask me a question, one I am surprised to hear;

You ask me if you can kiss me, as if I could have felt the tension.

But I honestly didn’t know you liked me like that, even though I liked you.

I liked you only after spending an afternoon with you.

I tried too hard, I overcompensated for my faults, trying to hide my shyness,

Yet you wanted to kiss me.

I looked at you for just a second before I said, “No.”

And there it was, I had broken the spell, all wrapped up in a beautiful bow.

You leaned back, away from me, creating a little space between us,

Creating physical space in the aftermath of my demand of emotional space.

I was shaken, but upset with myself.

After all, I wanted you, wanted to be yours.

But you would have been my first kiss, first one ever.

You were my first person whom I associated romantic love to.

You were my first “love” in a way.

In the past several years, my mind was full of “What If?”s;

I’ve wondered what would have happened if we had kissed that day,

If we had actually had a summer fling that summer.

Ben then, that’s what it was.

It was the summer and the ocean air that affected us,

The beauty surrounding us, the lingering scent of lavender, thyme, and rosemary.

We were wrapped up in the moment of freedom and happiness,

Desire hanging in the air.

But maybe it was meant to be this way,

What with us living on two different continents, separated by an ocean.

I let my uncertainty seep through in the moment, too.

Was this actually written in the stars to have us end this way?

Were we actually meant to be together?

We may not know.

Our day is left only in our memories, lingering on the ocean air,

Our hopes like the subtle scents of brine, thyme, rosemary, and lavender.

Those scents send me back to that summer, one full of hope and momentary love,

Something cherished, but left on the beach to be washed away by the sea.

Lavender and rosemary are two of my favorite smells,

But they remind me of you, they remind me of a day, a time, of love lost.

Brine filled are gives me peace,

But I’m pulled back to that day, full of happiness and joy,

Lost in thought, trying to remember how it felt.

Were we supposed to have been like this,

Or were we supposed to have had our time?