my writing corner

my PHOTOSSSS

trees border the meadow - my meadow - to the east, making a shadowy forest. the forest tapers off to the north, ending near the horizon, where hills gently roll to the north, making the earth look like an ocean made of green and brown waves. a stream flows from these hills, through my meadow, and continues on, to the ocean far south from here, an ocean that can't be seen, nor heard, from here. to the west and south, there is nothing but flowing grasses, only interrupted by the stream. with every breath of air, every breeze, the grasses move like the waves of an ocean, like the ocean far from here. the sky is stuck at twilight... no day, no night, just twilight. stars and what's left of the light from the sun are friends here, never to overtake on another, always equal, very calming. my meadow, and the area around it for miles, never has been touched by mankind, nor ever will it. not one man has ever made it here, none has seen it. my eyes are the only that has seen the beauty o...

you see a happy person... do you really know how i feel? you are on the recieving end of my endless love... but do you know why i love so much? when you are near me, you have to comfort of my always being there... how could you possibly know why? can you see past the mask and into my soul, where i keep all the pain until i can no longer handle it? sometimes you think you can, but you don't really know. do you know the extent of my regrets? you think you know how much i do regret, but you only know what i tell you. do you know why i keep you close but at a distance at the same time? you can take a guess, i will let you think you know... but you truly don't understand why. will you still accept me, take me.... love me?

i am barely hanging on, holding on with the last of my strength. who knows how much longer until i fall into the black abyss?it could only take a small breeze, a gentle push, and i could tumble. i hold on to the ledge so tight my knuckles are white. i don't know how much longer i can stay here... my fingers start to slip. i push myself tighter to the wall... someone grabs me by the hand and pulls me up. i get on the ledge on my hands and knees before the very edge crumbles. my knee slips and i am thrown off the ledge, falling...

come to me, i will save you. come to me, i will be your savior. i am your angel, i help lift the weight off your sholders. i am your angel, i help you rise above the rest. come, i will help you. i will take you up under my wing. come, i will help you. i want you to be the best you can be. come, i will comfort you. i will save you from your suffering. come, i will comfort you. i will help you stand tall. i am your savior. come to me. i am your savior. i will protect you always.

i live in constant fear. i whisper words you can't hear; i know what will happen if you do. i dont know what else to do but to take the crushing words, the honed, sharpened and edged word, those meant to hurt me. i don't know what to be when you want me to present myself when you yourself resent the way i act, the way i talk the way i do, the way i walk. if you resent me so, what am i supposed to do? love you with compassion or hate you with passion? how am i supposed to see what i am supposed to be? all that is in my head is what you have fed me for so long. i always feel like i am doing wrong. i can't see what i am supposed to be. my outlook on my life is tainted by the way i feel hated. is this how life is supposed to be? afraid to truly be me? afraid to make one wrong move, always trying to prove I deserve your love, rather than thinking you are so far above? but i guess i'll never know anything but the hate you show.

you don't know what you don't see you don't let me be the real me you use me to build up your ego you don't know how much i want you to let go i try to get away but you always seem to get your way what you don't seem to understand i can no longer withstand what you put me through, all the crap from you what i don't think is okay is how you pull me every which way i am so sick and tired of your crap i feel like i am in a trap why do you do this to me? don't you see that i might not get out of this, that i can't get out of this?

She learned she was supposed to move about a week and a half ago; in that time, her parents had moved everything from their old house to their new one. She wasn't happy at all; her last year of high school was going to start and she had to change school; she didn't want to leave her friends and all the familiarity behind. The only one good thing was that she was going to have a bigger room, more space, for herself. The day they moved, she grabbed the last small bag of her personal belongings, and went into the car with her 'rents. It took awhile to get there - it seemed like it was in the middle of nowhere. She didn't understand; why were they moving so far out of the way? It didn't make sense... unless her parents were punishing her for that time she went out with her friends, and... well, it was a night that nobody talked about. They got to the house, finally, about three hours they left the old one. It was large, spooky... almost haunted looking. It was dark, sur...

the waved are pulling me down, pulling me farther away from shore. my head is being pulled under, but i struggle. my hands break the surface, and i pull myself out, only to be pushed back down by another wave. it pushes me down... the undercurrent pushes me each and every way it pleases. i don't know which way is up or down. my feet feel something sandy, but sturdy... i push against the sand, breaking the surface a moment later... my head is over the surface... i find comfort in that until a wave gives one final push, slamming the last bit of strength i had left...

as the light of day fades into twilight, i start to think about the one i love. as the stars take over the nighttime sky, my gaze then turns to the heavens above, wondering now if he is there, on high, wondering if he's gone from this earth, or if he is looking at the night sky, still alive, still bound in his earthly berth. he's been taken from me to go to war. my love still has yet to come back to me. he has been gone for too long and way too far from me. in letters, he says 'wait for me.' i have waited for him for five long years. now, news of his return reaches my ears.

i'm scared you should have cared you pushed me you hurt me i was pushed past my limit why did i let you do it? you should have known better than to put me farther than i can bear i know you thought you did it out of love but i also know i am way above that kind of hurt, that kind of pain you might not think so, but i think i did gain some sort of self-knowledge, maybe understanding of what i want, what i don't want coming for me, and you don't know why i had to go away from you why i shouldnt be with you why did i think you were good enough for me? why did i let you do this to me?

horses galloping, riders atop them, urging the horses faster through the trees. some have swords, some have bows and arrows... i am one of them, fighting along with them. we are chasing an unknown enemy. we stop in the deepest part of the woods. i tie my horse to a tree and check for my bow and arrows, making sure i have enough. alongside my love and comerade at arms, i enter this enemy's territory into the unknown, not knowing what to expect, only knowing that if one of us were to die, it would be over... all would be lost...

taking a deep breath, i tilt my head toward the sun. it warms my face as i lean back against the warm ground. it is early evening and surprisingly, the beach is relatively empty. the waves crash against the shore, making its own beat. someone sits down next to me, my towel shifting under the person's weight. i open my eyes slowly and i glance over. he is there. gosh, i haven't seen him in years. he as grown six inches at least and filled out some. he smiles at me. i realize that my jaw seems so far down it's almost in the sand. he laughs and i close my mouth. my eyes close as his hand touches my cheek. his hand is soft against my skin. his hand stays there for another moment, then he gently pulls his hand away. i open my eyes again, finally letting out a sigh. his brown eyes make me melt. like a few years ago, we have a quiet understanding of each other. "i'm sorry," he says. "why?" i ask "i haven't been true to myself. i still like you, but...

the wind blows, swirling the leaves around. the sky, sunny and bright less than thrity seconds ago, now is covered with dark clounds that are pelting rain. pools of water quickly form on the ground. thunder claps in the distance. everyone had run into their houses, but i am taking my time walking home. i don't mind being in stormy weather. lightening flickers a few miles away. the rain is coming down thick and fast. it's hard to see what is coming, so i walk on the grass. i hear a noise over the sound of the rain. it is out of the ordinary... something that may be shouldn't be in a storm like this. i gently pic up my pace, rain getting into my eyes. thunder rumbles again. i start to relax. i gaze out through the rain, trying to see what is ahead. all i see is the rain, the darkness caused by the dark cloud cover. lightning pierces the sky, breaking my reverie. it lights the sky, allowing me to see for a mere second before it's so dark again. it normally doesn't ta...

up and down, round and round. you didn't understand. was it too hard to comprehend? i didn't want to get hurt by you. i told you this time and again, yes. i thought i loved you, but it was too good to be true. you let me fall after i thought i had it all. but i fell so hard and you never cared. i had to end the ups and downs, the round and rounds. i didn't think i mattered, i was left battered. but you'd never understand what i had to withstand... i just want to say thank you. i hope i can find someone very different than you.

one more hit ... my foundation is cracked. i tried so hard to get at least that built strong, but with each crushing blow, it comes weaker, until it finally cracks. i thought i had come so far, but finally i came to realize that maybe i am not strong enough yet to finally build up my walls. one more crack ... my foundation is threatening to collapse. quickly i am struggling to hold on, to keep it from cracking again, from falling, only knowing that my strenght is vanishing as fast as my will to keep from everything tumbling over me. one more breath ... i give one last effort to hold out. my will is slipping, my strength is nearly gone. i no longer have any need to try anymore, even though i know if i give up, this beginnings of a wall, this weak facade will finally crumble, and i will be left in a lesser state ... one last moment ... and it's over. i lost. my foundation crumbles. i wasnt strong enough. and now, all that i have worked for is gone. i am left alone in this lesser, wea...

shadows stretch across the page.... spidery writing covers the paper. a candle flickers. the table stretches into the dark. i try to finish reading the paper, but sleep threatens to overtake me. i set it aside and pick up the candle. the wax drips, falls into the holder. i walk slowly into my room, finding that the door is already closed. i open it gently and find him already in bed. i sigh, and put the candle down on the nightstand. i lay down in bed and blow out the candle. an arm reaches for me. i curl up next to my love and settle down for a calm night. i start to fall alseep in his arms as he mumbles 'i love you' in my ear.

another day passes... another day closer... we want it to speed up, but we dont want it to end. we are happy to finally get out but sad to leave some fond memories. we are ready, willing, to make new ones, but hesitate to let the old ones go. we see the end of the road, but are we ready to meet it? we hold out for the end, but are we willing to work more than we need to? are we really ready to get to the end of the line? will there be hesitation at the last moment? is there any way we can hurry up and finish, but make it last? how are we to really be ready? who knows what's on the other side?

what happened to the yesterdays we used to have? what happened to the days we used to have when we were young and could do next to nothing, but still get by? to the long sommers when we would lazily idle, the easy yesterdays? and to the times when being friends was just about being friends? those das are the yesterdays we wish we could still have but can't. those yesterdays are those from the past, the ones we cherish and keep, knowing that they were the easiest yesterdays we've ever had.

one moment in time... it can mean nothing, it can mean everything. it could be the end of the begining, or the begining of the end. but for me, it's the realization that it's the beginning of the end... the end of four long, yet short years, of years that helped me learn about myself, and learn to forget. I am holding on to this moment, but I know that it could, will, tumble away, and leave me reaching for the next moment in time... for now, i am grasping onto this moment until i have to reach for the next, then realizing that i can't live on this moment alone.

My black wings beat against the night air, the cool wind rushing around me. Doomed in this state as the dark angel, I am to roam this Earth, carrying those spirits who are condemned and give them to Satan. With each beat of my wings, a new spirit is to be taken up in my arms to be handed away to live in agony. I am travelling by night, only by night, never to see the light of day again.