waves crash. cool air off the ocean makes me shiver, but brings the comforting smell of sea salt and brine. the sun shines, trying to defy the cool weather. it's the coolest it's been in all the times i have been here. but then again, i've never been here in the fall. another cool breeze washes up from the ocean, making me draw my blanket closer. my feet are bare in the cold sand. i bury them deep into the warmer sand.
the sun is going behind me slowly, the rays on my shoulders. not many people are here. students are in school or at home, doing homework, and parents and other adults are working. i have this stretch of beach to myself - my own personal stretch. usually this is waht i am asking for. right now, i am not so sure if it's what i want. the breeze makes itself present again. despite my blanket, i am shivering again. i haul myself off the sand, unbury my feet and grab my shoes before making my way down the beach. this aimless wandering helps me warm up again. not much, but i was warmer than i was sitting down.
the cool sand under my feet, waves beating a calm rhythm against the beach, the sun setting ... it clears my mind. i feel safe here, i always have.
the moon rises over the ocean, full and round. at the horizon, it's bloodred, the faintest reaches of the sun's rays coloring the moon.
this is where it started... that summer a few years ago. my mind travels back to that time, when everything started to brighten and i started being happier.
it was mid-summer. the sun was hot against my back, the sand warm beneath my towel. like now, the waves crashed against the beach, rhythmic and soothing. but unlike now, the beach was packed; families, teens and couples were filling every empty space. i was there by myself. my lunch and money for dinner were in my big go-bag. i knew i would be staying around for a while.
my book was laying next to me, my head propped up against the extra towel i brought with me. the weather was perfect, making me smile. it was one of those days where nothing could go wrong.
after awhile, a shadow fell on me. my eyes opened. i saw someone agaisnt the sun. i jack-knifed into a sitting position ... the someone was a guy... a really good-looking guy, who was looking at me.
"hello," i said.
"hey," he said with an accent.
my eyes glanced over him, from his tan face, to his lanky arms and toned chest, down to his nice legs, and back up again.
"huh... you play a sport?" i asked him.
"yup. soccer," he said.
"good for you. i like soccer. and lucky for you, i like guys who play soccer."
"good. my name is elliott. i'm from England."
"oh! an english soccer player," i giggled.
"what is your name?" elliott asked after a moment.
"oh yeah... i forgot about that, huh?" i said, a smill smile creeping on my face.
"yea, you did."
i laughed. i leaned back on my towel and relaxed, letting the sun warm my stomach and shoulders.
"so... are you going to tell me what your name is or am i going to have to guess?" elliott promted.
"i'll have you guess," i replied.
"okay. um, samantha?"
"sorry," i said. "reminds me of some bleach-blond beach bunny in a skanky bikini."
"alright. christy?"
"uh, nope."
"alexandra?"
"ha!" i laughed.
"what?" elliott asked.
"that's my sister's name," i said.
"i give up," elliott said.
"okay. my name is carlie," i told him.
"nice to meet you, carlie," he said, holding out his hand.
"my pleasure," i responded warmly, shakikng his hand.
we talked and had gotten to know each other tha afternoon. i pulled out my lunch after awhile and we numched on chips and sandwiches. it had been a good think that i packed enough for two.
~~~
the moon had turned white and risen off the horizon an hour ago. ... the memory was the first day of the best time of my life.
i gaze at the moon and stars. i spot out the dippers. the stars twinkle and blink, like eyes. i watch a shooting star fall over the horizon. closing my eyes, i make a wish.
behind my eyelids, i see another memory flicker and flashes as it comes to life. another memory on the beach... at sunrise.
we laid back against the blanket we brought with us. pink, gold, orange... this rainbow of color had struck me as awe inspiring. i wanted to grab my camera but i resisted the impulse. elliott had hs arms around me, comforting and warm. th moment was a spell, a small miracle, and i didn't want to break it.
elliott's lips touched my skin, just behind my ear. i cuddled up closer, hoping to be warmer - hoping he would kiss me again.
"this is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen," i whispered.
"i think i know something that is more beautiful than the sunrise," elliot whispered back.
"oh, really?" i asked.
"you" was elliott's answer.
"no! i don't think so."
"yes. you are," elliott defied me.
i stopped talking, and i watched the sun go up fore a few more minutes. i stretched, my arms going over my head. elliott traced circles on my stomach. i smiled and kissed him. a year later and i still hadn't been able to believe elliot wanted to be with me until the end of forever.
~~~
i continue to watch the stars. my blanket is wrapped tightly around me, my shoes on now. i listen to the waves crash against the beach. my fingers bury themselves into the sand. the sand is freezing, but i don't mind it. like the second memory, i have the impules to pull out my camera, but i resist the impulse. but it's because i am trying to let go, not hold on.
holding on...
... he had gone away, enlisted in the army. he promised he'd come back. i held onto the promise. he would come back and we would get married. we would marry and be together until the end of forever.
the first letter came two weeks after he left. he told me he'd been watching every sunrise he could, remembering our morning on the beach. i had rememberd every tender moment we shared, including that morning.
i hoped, prayed, and dreamed about us living happily ever after. but that wasn't how it happened, not how it ended, was it?
two months later, a phone call came. elliott had been shot trying to save a fellow soldier, just a month and a half after he himself became a soldier.
~~~
this beach was where it started, and it's where i came to end it, to let it go. this beach is my safe haven, my place i know i can take my time to hurt and let go. i have had my extreme happiness here. now i can have my extreme sadness and allow it to heal me.
i watch the stars, see their reflection in the ocean. the moon's long line in the oocean again makes me want to pull out my camera. instead, i just watch. i dig my fingers from the sand and pull my planket tight around me again. i get up and walk to the car. it's time to go home. the beach finally started giving me its healing affect. the waves, sea salty and brine-smelling breeze, the cool sand... this is where i knew i could recieve some healing power over me.
the sun is going behind me slowly, the rays on my shoulders. not many people are here. students are in school or at home, doing homework, and parents and other adults are working. i have this stretch of beach to myself - my own personal stretch. usually this is waht i am asking for. right now, i am not so sure if it's what i want. the breeze makes itself present again. despite my blanket, i am shivering again. i haul myself off the sand, unbury my feet and grab my shoes before making my way down the beach. this aimless wandering helps me warm up again. not much, but i was warmer than i was sitting down.
the cool sand under my feet, waves beating a calm rhythm against the beach, the sun setting ... it clears my mind. i feel safe here, i always have.
the moon rises over the ocean, full and round. at the horizon, it's bloodred, the faintest reaches of the sun's rays coloring the moon.
this is where it started... that summer a few years ago. my mind travels back to that time, when everything started to brighten and i started being happier.
it was mid-summer. the sun was hot against my back, the sand warm beneath my towel. like now, the waves crashed against the beach, rhythmic and soothing. but unlike now, the beach was packed; families, teens and couples were filling every empty space. i was there by myself. my lunch and money for dinner were in my big go-bag. i knew i would be staying around for a while.
my book was laying next to me, my head propped up against the extra towel i brought with me. the weather was perfect, making me smile. it was one of those days where nothing could go wrong.
after awhile, a shadow fell on me. my eyes opened. i saw someone agaisnt the sun. i jack-knifed into a sitting position ... the someone was a guy... a really good-looking guy, who was looking at me.
"hello," i said.
"hey," he said with an accent.
my eyes glanced over him, from his tan face, to his lanky arms and toned chest, down to his nice legs, and back up again.
"huh... you play a sport?" i asked him.
"yup. soccer," he said.
"good for you. i like soccer. and lucky for you, i like guys who play soccer."
"good. my name is elliott. i'm from England."
"oh! an english soccer player," i giggled.
"what is your name?" elliott asked after a moment.
"oh yeah... i forgot about that, huh?" i said, a smill smile creeping on my face.
"yea, you did."
i laughed. i leaned back on my towel and relaxed, letting the sun warm my stomach and shoulders.
"so... are you going to tell me what your name is or am i going to have to guess?" elliott promted.
"i'll have you guess," i replied.
"okay. um, samantha?"
"sorry," i said. "reminds me of some bleach-blond beach bunny in a skanky bikini."
"alright. christy?"
"uh, nope."
"alexandra?"
"ha!" i laughed.
"what?" elliott asked.
"that's my sister's name," i said.
"i give up," elliott said.
"okay. my name is carlie," i told him.
"nice to meet you, carlie," he said, holding out his hand.
"my pleasure," i responded warmly, shakikng his hand.
we talked and had gotten to know each other tha afternoon. i pulled out my lunch after awhile and we numched on chips and sandwiches. it had been a good think that i packed enough for two.
~~~
the moon had turned white and risen off the horizon an hour ago. ... the memory was the first day of the best time of my life.
i gaze at the moon and stars. i spot out the dippers. the stars twinkle and blink, like eyes. i watch a shooting star fall over the horizon. closing my eyes, i make a wish.
behind my eyelids, i see another memory flicker and flashes as it comes to life. another memory on the beach... at sunrise.
we laid back against the blanket we brought with us. pink, gold, orange... this rainbow of color had struck me as awe inspiring. i wanted to grab my camera but i resisted the impulse. elliott had hs arms around me, comforting and warm. th moment was a spell, a small miracle, and i didn't want to break it.
elliott's lips touched my skin, just behind my ear. i cuddled up closer, hoping to be warmer - hoping he would kiss me again.
"this is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen," i whispered.
"i think i know something that is more beautiful than the sunrise," elliot whispered back.
"oh, really?" i asked.
"you" was elliott's answer.
"no! i don't think so."
"yes. you are," elliott defied me.
i stopped talking, and i watched the sun go up fore a few more minutes. i stretched, my arms going over my head. elliott traced circles on my stomach. i smiled and kissed him. a year later and i still hadn't been able to believe elliot wanted to be with me until the end of forever.
~~~
i continue to watch the stars. my blanket is wrapped tightly around me, my shoes on now. i listen to the waves crash against the beach. my fingers bury themselves into the sand. the sand is freezing, but i don't mind it. like the second memory, i have the impules to pull out my camera, but i resist the impulse. but it's because i am trying to let go, not hold on.
holding on...
... he had gone away, enlisted in the army. he promised he'd come back. i held onto the promise. he would come back and we would get married. we would marry and be together until the end of forever.
the first letter came two weeks after he left. he told me he'd been watching every sunrise he could, remembering our morning on the beach. i had rememberd every tender moment we shared, including that morning.
i hoped, prayed, and dreamed about us living happily ever after. but that wasn't how it happened, not how it ended, was it?
two months later, a phone call came. elliott had been shot trying to save a fellow soldier, just a month and a half after he himself became a soldier.
~~~
this beach was where it started, and it's where i came to end it, to let it go. this beach is my safe haven, my place i know i can take my time to hurt and let go. i have had my extreme happiness here. now i can have my extreme sadness and allow it to heal me.
i watch the stars, see their reflection in the ocean. the moon's long line in the oocean again makes me want to pull out my camera. instead, i just watch. i dig my fingers from the sand and pull my planket tight around me again. i get up and walk to the car. it's time to go home. the beach finally started giving me its healing affect. the waves, sea salty and brine-smelling breeze, the cool sand... this is where i knew i could recieve some healing power over me.
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